I need to apologise to myself for being an utter bitch the past few weeks throwing tantrums saying that life is unfair.

I guess life is indeed unfair but... well problems are settled and PI is over. Thank god.

So now the only thing left is tests. I can do this!

 Everytime when I hear FM talking about his daughter going to UK for further studies I'll be like "Omg she is just wasting money".

 And then I think about myself. I'm actually dying to get out of Sg too isn't it! 









 So? Buck up. Buck up up up x10000000
 $$ -> better life.


I'm such a materialistic girl ;(
Constantly getting bored of whatever I have.
And constantly thinking of getting new things (getting it is a different story altogether).

Maybe I should start watching ANTM again. Quench my thirst for such things.

Time to hit the geography notes! I can do it! LET ME REPEAT, I CAN DO IT!

I've had the best friday and the worst saturday consecutively.
( Taking away life effortlessly )

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Friday was sports carnival and it was spent slacking! Just roam about the whole school with YH and CY. And then the whole Deeday came along, yet again haha! Swear the school house tee look hideous. ): Or is it the kind of feel we exhibit that is so loser-ish that no cool tees are cool enough to make us look good...
Went to 313 with some of the DD for ramen play and our 1-for-1 Starbucks! Loitered all the way till 7+ with Chunqiu in CWP to wait for our friends to go to 黄城夜韵 to support Yu Han (and Weixiang but I didn't know he was going to act LOL) at RP! It was really awesome and one of the most brilliant production I've ever watched! I was out of house for like 15+ hours that day I think. Was cui max! 

So sorry about the alignment of photos. Can't be bothered. I kinda just received a text from Ms Sab asking me to meet her tomorrow. And I have this weird feeling that my PI just got rejected.

Okay so truth betold I have the ridiculous thought that maybe Sab won't like me because she and Chong are good friends and Chong... obviously don't like me. I know it sounds stupid and lame but it might be true right?
On a sidenote, I hate how GP teachers think that their overpowering sarcasm is a gift.

I don't know already. I'm going to cry soon as I'm writing my econs essay. Why does my brain feels so empty? I feel like I'm damn fucking lousy in class and everywhere which is actually true but I don't like to feel it.

And it's such a sad thing that I rely on my friends way more than they rely on me. Which makes me wonder if it's okay to tell them everything at times, especially like now. Sometimes, just sometimes, I wonder if I'm as important to my friend as she is to me. Okay this is not the time to question friendships omg such useless thoughts. GET A GRIP!!!

So every week I've been saying how tiring each week was been etc.

I'm going to say the same thing this week. This week has been the most tiring week I've ever had in my entire life.

Sounds so stupid it was really insane with sleepless nights attempting to revise my work for tests and maths project which was finally completed but... I think I could have done a much better job.

I keep failing everything in school now it feels like a norm. Feeling so intimidated by everyone in school. I don't know where I caught this low self-esteem bug but it just won't go away. I'm so wary about how people think about me as a follower (I don't know why that bothers me). I need to tell myself that the time is up and I shouldn't be that bossy old self ever again. I don't know if the people around me now currently can actually accept that side of me. I'm not ready for any drastic changes I just want to pretend like I'm any other people. This is definitely not power hunger. I just can't really get used to everything now. Like everything's wrong and I'm in a dream and I am DYING to get back to reality. 

Ok I think this is getting really weird. Yesterday was the most stressful day I had in my entire school life with work piling up every moment and it was filled with frustration anger anxiety etc etc etc. 4 nights of sleepless nights and stress level increasing like a GP I swear friday was like a timebomb.

But you know what? So glad I've got them :)

So other than busy life and etc, god's been really nice to drop some nice people down to be around me. I think my Y5 class is actually quite fun too. But I just can't really... feel the connection? I think it takes time. But things are going smoothly now so there's no need to rush! Got another 1.5 years together!

Hope this week will be a better one. Hope Selina Chong stop being so mean to me. I don't hate her. And in fact I want to like her and GP but everytime she makes a remark saying I'm stupid etc it just makes me feel like flipping the table and walk out of the class. She just can't see the effort I put in to control urgh. And I swear I actually smiled to her during random lessons...

On a random sidenote:

I hope these pictures look good on your screen. Because they look fantabulous on my phone. Just downloaded this new picture application. Yes similarly it has lomo blah bleh bloop but I swear it's just so different!

Things I do when I am bored. Reasons why I do not have a healthy social life. Too much of a hikikomori (HAHAHAHA), too much studying of GP. Well as I'm saying the last point it's filled with a glass of guilt.

It's GP essay test tomorrow. 10% of my whole damn year. AND I AM FREAKING OUT BECAUSE HOW I WISH GP WAS IN CHINESE. Beg to differ people's perception about liking chinese = A1 for HCL but thing is, I know if this shit is in chinese I might feel a tad better while attempting to study for it.

I just realise my tags are mostly school related. May other the other rambling nonsense like this post fall under this tag.
Time to head back to the study table for the final econs remedial question. And then study.... to fail. How demoralizing.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

Comparing with the rest of my friends, my life ain't that busy afterall but I have no idea why am I so sleepy. Everyday.

One of the hardest week to pull through. Done and survived it, we will account for the bruises later on.

Once again, I'm so blessed to have such great friends around me every single goddamn bullshitty day.  They make so much noise but this is what I really love about them!
 

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And I love my after school lunches with DD. ♥ Their constant spammings on my phone are so hilarious too hahaha everytime when I check my phone it will be " X messages from A Whole New World Of Gossip" and our new Just Chillin group!
The best way to end off this horrible week is with cute little XLB. I can't forget how delicious those small qtpie tasted like. I NEED THEM 24/7.

Back to Maths Project. And then GP. And then ... I won't even reach till this stage!

Had a million things that I wanted to blog but my mind went blank when I got to livejournal. Mentally exhausting week dealing with the mountainous amount of homework and some emotional struggles.
I used to be some really confident (lack of a better word -- proud) kid and I was good in everything. I had no problem with my leadership skills, social skills, oral presentation skills etc. Now I think all of them are lost. I used to be so good with them I used to shine among the rest. Now I'm just... nowhere near anyone anywhere. Is this a wrong mentality, to think that nothing can fix me and everyone's getting better and better each day except me?

Leadership skills = zero
Public Speaking skills = zero
Social skills = zero.

I have practically nothing. And those used to be the strongest points in me. So what's wrong? I don't know.

Just came back from Msia. Bought this new toy here /slow but whatever I can't wait to start using it.

Shit happened this two days and I really must say, it's quite creepy that what I randomly think about will actually happen the moment next. Deja vu.

That's what you get for being too dependent on people, relying them on everything including getting their advice on what to feel about things. Lost my control over my life for the period of time and when that friend chose to walk out of my life I thought I will never forgive.
Now this person's back to mess my thoughts around etc. I don't like how this feels. Oh and I havent change your contact name in my phone. 

Let the hate breed. I don't thank you for making me happy because I know hell will be following right up next :)


But then again, when people treat you well, you should treat the person well too right... Part of me feels extremely guilty for typing this post. Whatever.

"You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams" --- Dr. Seuss


See how romantic this place is. Anyway I really want to talk about this very weird dream that I had consecutively 3 nights. Nope the chain's been broken and last night I had another new dream so I find it okay to talk about it here! Actually I can vaguely remember the details but all I know was that I was married to this guy... and our house was a church, and the church is none other than the Milan Cathedral (A church that I went during the trip) but even though I've never been into the church in real life, in my dream I somehow can orientate myself...


Point is, I felt happy in my dream, so happy I think I've never really felt it before in my life... It's not the laughing that counts but how calm and safe I feel there and when my imaginary husband was standing behind me I felt like there was protection (this weird nice feeling I get throughout my dream)....

I wish this is some kind of prophetical dream where I can somehow know what my future will be. If I am going to be feeling like that when I grow up (and after meeting a great man) I promise I will cut down on my swearing and stop cursing... I want to live longer and experience that feeling for real!

Maybe that's what all married couples (living happily) feel. Okay I feel quite senseless now posting this. My dream is not exciting...

Anyway I'm reading this book called "after the quake" and it's pretty interesting! :) I've got another 6 more books waiting for me... Pretty excited to start on them. AND NOT TO FORGET I HAVE TO COMPLETE WATCHING GG :( I'VE BEEN DRAGGING FOR A YEAR!

Hope tomorrow/today will be great :)

Today is not a good day at all. It's so fucked up but the girls are making me laugh unknowingly when I read our *whole new world of gossips* chat ♥

Saw one of the most disturbing thing ever today and I'm still in shock (thank god for my private account and someone to talk to about scary stuff like this!)

I miss 4G so much I want them back. ☹ Short meet up at IKEA with the girls make me feel so happy haha and their constant bitching and bullshitting on WA. I can just anyhow blurt some random shit on that convo without feeling guilty :) Oh I went to search "best friends" on tumblr because I wanted to post something sweet AND ALL I GOT WERE PICTURES OF SPONGEBOB AND PATRICK HAHAHA.

Was just trying to draw a scene from 500DOS as my new banner for my new layout and I REMEMBER SAVING THE IMAGE BUT IT'S GONE WHEN I CAME BACK HOME so I have to redraw... see I'm still stuck here

No words can describe my love for this wonderful movie. It's been almost a year since I've been going gaga over this movie...

Time and again, I need to remind myself to forget you.